Pause; Love heals!

Sometimes you have to run with your eyes wide open towards love. Make sure your heart and arms are open to receive its embrace.

Welcome to A Redeemer's Heart. This is a space of truth. Not all truths hurt. Some are sweet, profound and life changing. It's always important to find your truth and glean in it.

I'm finally understanding!

Brittany: I’m finally understanding why my mom listened to Mary J. Blige early on a Saturday morning. Have you ever woken up and felt like either you’re crazy or everyone else around you is?

Leasy: I feel that way every day. With three kids, severe sleep deprivation, overworking… I am crazy… but so is everyone else. I find that music always helps me settle into the rhythms of life (literally) and when that fails, a podcast can help - when I can hear it over screaming infants.

Brittany: Like it just hit me and I needed to remember who I was. I looked over the last year of Covid-19, thanking God every day that I didn’t just choose 25 to life because these kids and my husband have been testing my virtues. Listen, they are some spoiled people. Quarantine hasn’t been a vacation.

Leasy: Who are you telling? Three kids under the age of five and there’s no rest for the weary. We keep pushing on. At least you’ve had some time to dedicate to your business, right?

Brittany: “Time.” Ha! Time is relative, friend. I am a constant balance of virtual, hybrid, asynchronous, student, teacher, hall monitor, principal, guidance counselor, mom, wife and friend. What time? And add the salon into the mix! I was overjoyed when school opened for my kid four days a week. We both needed the change and I, especially, needed the time. If I can be truly honest my heart has been so heavy behind the chair lately. I listen to so many women and the brokenness is intense.

Leasy: Mostly Covid? Brittany: It’s everything. Covid doesn’t help, for sure, but there was brokenness long before Covid and there will be brokenness long after Covid ends. I realized that there will always be times that we long for “home” even if we don’t know what sort of home we’re looking for. We long to just have love all around us. It’s in the broken moments that we realize who will love on us and what “home” really is. I used to think “home” was a place. I truly discovered through this pandemic, that home is in your heart. You take a piece of home everywhere you go and you grow your family with the seeds. I find that most of my time in the salon, through email, and over the phone, I am giving love.

Leasy: That’s what changes the world. That’s when brokenness leads to healing.

Brittany: Exactly. Love heals. The pandemic has been a blessing in so many areas of our lives but it also has brought us to broken places. I don’t think I’ve prayed this much in a long time. I have prayed for my family, my friends. My clients. My neighbors. Even strangers on the street. I long for everyone to know and understand true love.

Leasy: It’s so hard, my friend. Your heart is pure and your intentions are so good, but not everyone knows what to do with love. What about those who have thrown your love back in your face? Surely that’s happened at least once, right?

Brittany: This is the season that I have decided to show up for me. Do you remember when I told you that I felt alone at times? Let’s be real, home and work life keep me pretty busy. In order to build the relationships and family I desire outside of my home I must be intentional about making time to do so. As I have been shifting in my personal life, I had to pray for wisdom and discernment to make the right decisions concerning people, places, and things. So while I am constantly trying to be a source of love and genuineness in the lives of those around me, my priorities are still myself, my family, and my close circle. If someone is unwilling to accept my love, I simply give it to God and move on. I am too busy to dwell.

Leasy: That’s where I struggle. I dwell. I agonize. I wallow in self-pity. I quickly spiral into “why don’t they love me? What can I do differently?”

Brittany: It’s necessary to ponder your feelings. But Leasy, there’s a difference between pondering and dwelling. Take inventory of your household and see what it lacks. Grace? Compassion? Organization? Peace? Look at your friendships. How many have been starved? How many do you need to let go of? Make the changes in your life that are necessary for you to be your best self. If you need help, ask for it. If you feel low, say it. People need to stop wallowing in pain, sorrow and grief. These things do not define us. They are temporary feelings.

Leasy: True, very true. However, temporary feelings have a big impact. It takes work to see the other side - to see the sun after the storm, so to speak.

Brittany: It was when I paused that I realized that I needed more systems in my home to keep me from drowning. It was the sudden stop that showed me that I was not okay and that I was gasping for air. I had allowed the pandemic to start stealing from me. Motherhood, wife duties, and keeping this home together were taking their toll. I realized that I need friendships and family outside of this bubble that I didn’t know I was living in.

Leasy: The pandemic has been hard for all of us… some more than others. What has given you a sense of normalcy?

Brittany: I needed to get dressed and feel like a woman. Just before leaving for dinner, I asked my husband how I looked. This dude said, “Like a mom.” I had to change and try again. I took the time to find pieces from my closet and put something together and made me look like Brittany. Yesterday, I felt so comfortable in my skin and clothes. I haven’t felt this way since high school. I still have a long way to go, but I am committed to doing the work! I’m drawing the lines that need to be drawn in my life and will continue to pause more often to keep reworking my priorities.